Cate Osborn, better known as "Catieosaurus," has nearly two million followers on social media. Diagnosed with ADHD and autism, she is on a mission.

When Cate is on stage speaking to others with ADHD, it's the Q&A session that hits her just as hard every time.

"I would say that 95 percent of the questions I get are about this: 'Am I weird for doing this?' or 'How can I stop being myself?' It's heartbreaking," she says.

"So much of today's messaging around ADHD and autism, especially for people who have both, is that you need to be less of yourself. That you need to 'shrink' yourself and do things differently."

Cate's clear message is:

"You are not worth less than anyone else. You are worthy of love, care, compassion, and empathy, exactly as you are."

"What is wrong with me?"

She herself was diagnosed as an adult. Before the diagnosis, her life was marked by something many adults with undiscovered ADHD will recognize: self-hatred, guilt, and anxiety.

"I never understood why I was the way I was. It turned into a lot of self-blame: 'Why can't I just do this thing? Why can't I do it the way everybody else does? What is wrong with me?'"

The diagnosis turned everything upside down.

"It shifted the conversation from 'what is wrong with me' to 'I was born this way.' My brain is different from other brains. So I need to learn to accept myself, be kind to myself, and build systems that actually work for me, instead of fighting against my own brain."

Openness also comes at a price. Cate is sometimes accused of faking her diagnoses and is constantly told that she looks too normal.

"One of the most important things we see in the ADHD community is that many people, especially women, go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed because we seemingly have our lives together. What we struggle with doesn't look like a young boy acting up in the classroom. We have a different lived experience," she says.

Pills don't teach skills

So what matters most: self-awareness or medication? Cate quotes an American saying: "Pills don't teach skills."

"Medication is a tool, and for many people it's an important tool," she emphasizes.

"But you can take medication all day long without it changing the way you feel about yourself. Medication is never going to be the thing that grants you self-acceptance. That has to come from within."

Love with ADHD in the picture

In the podcast "Sorry I Missed This," Cate explores how ADHD affects relationships, communication, and intimacy. Her most important advice for anyone partnered with someone with an ADHD diagnosis is to drop the assumptions.

"If you meet one person with ADHD, you know one person with ADHD. Some people are always ten minutes late; others need to be there half an hour early. If you go into the relationship with ready-made assumptions, it creates unnecessary friction," she says.

She also points out that many people with ADHD live with strong rejection sensitivity, a kind of learned trauma response after years of negative feedback.

"At the end of the day, a partner with ADHD isn't that different from any other partner. It just requires being a little more conscious and working a little harder to communicate needs, wants, and expectations, in a way that works for both of you."

A bestseller

Cate's book "The ADHD Field Guide for Adults" became a bestseller and is now being translated into several languages. The book is that rare thing: an ADHD book made for ADHD brains. You can open it anywhere, read it in whatever order you like, and the fonts were chosen with reading difficulties and dyslexia in mind.

"I had never seen a book about ADHD that was written for people with ADHD. There was always this presupposition that of course you can read a book like everybody else. But we know that ADHD impacts reading," she says.

And she can reveal some news: she's currently negotiating a new release, an entire book devoted to sex, intimacy, and relationships with ADHD.

"A diagnosis is a privilege"

For many, getting a diagnosis is out of reach.

"There are a lot of people who simply cannot afford it. Having a diagnosis is a privilege," says Cate.

"And many people who are just trying to get help are treated like criminals or 'drug seekers.' On top of that, research funding is now being cut drastically, while a lot of misinformation about neurodivergence is being spread from the highest levels. It's dangerous, and it's demoralizing."

Still, she believes things are moving in the right direction over time. The conversation about ADHD has become far more open and accepting than when she grew up in the 1990s, when ADHD was dismissed as misbehaving kids and bad parenting.

The letters that prove it's working

Lately, Cate has started receiving mail. Real, handwritten letters.

"For a person with ADHD, remembering to mail something is quite something, getting to the post office with a stamp! And the feedback hits me right in the heart: 'You saved my life.' 'You saved my relationship.' 'You have helped me understand my son, my daughter, my partner, and accept myself.'"

That is exactly why she continues the fight against stigma and shame: one video, one lecture, and one book at a time.

"You are not broken," she repeats.

"You are worthy of love and a good life exactly as you are."

FACTS: Cate "Catieosaurus" Osborn

• American TikToker, podcast host, actor, sex educator, speaker, comedian, and author, best known as Catieosaurus.

• Has nearly two million followers on social media, including 1.6 million on TikTok.

• Host of the podcast "Sorry I Missed This" on the Understood.org network, about ADHD, relationships, and intimacy.

• Holds two master's degrees in Shakespeare and performed at venues such as the Kennedy Center before becoming a content creator during the pandemic.

• Author of the bestseller "The ADHD Field Guide for Adults" (Simon & Schuster), which is being translated into several languages.

• Book number two, about sex, intimacy, and relationships, is now on its way to publishers.

All photos: Cate Osborn